After so many years, I am now 56 and what realizations have I attained? Or, more importantly, have understood myself or what am I. I see now that throughout my life, I have often asked this question: "Why am I me and not someone else?" "Why am I in this body looking out through these specific eye-sockets instead of through someone else's?"
I realize now that this is the only question which I should pursue. Nothing else matters. What makes me special that I have to experience this world through this body, these eye-sockets. Reason tells me that everyone else is also experiencing the very same thing - and like me, have most of the time forgotten to ask these questions. I suspect that the majority of people have never realized this and have never asked these questions. That is why, when I google for it , I get nothing. All the answers given, totally miss the point. The people answering these questions obviously has no self-awareness. They are still very 'external'.
Many times throughout my life, I recall, that on several occassions, just before waking up in the morning, there was no sense of self, or, I, just pure awareness. The feeling was a kind of a lost feeling, not knowing where I am or who I am. Then, gradually as I wake up, the life-story and memories come rushing back and I am again trapped in a body with a life history.
